As representatives of the Scottish FA we would like to inform you that we wish to change the way the English football team is managed to bring it more in line with the way our government has been run in the last few years.
This will involve the following:
1. The Manger of the Scottish football team is allowed to be involved with the running of the English team. However, the manager of the English team should have no say whatsoever in the running of the Scottish team. This shall be known as the West Lothian Athletic question.
2. A sizable proportion of any money the English FA raises from, say sponsorship or crowd takings, shall be given to the Scottish FA, regardless as to whether you need it or not. This does not apply the other way round. This is known as the Barnett formation.
3. The nationality of the English manager should be brought in line with the nationality of the leaders of the major political parties. ie Scottish. Therefore, we insist that Graham Souness be appointed to be manager of the English team with immediate effect.
4. You are not to call yourself England any longer. You will now be known as the British Regions. We, on the other hand, are still to be known as Scotland, "a proud and noble nation".
5. From this moment on, the English FA will cease to exist. However, the Scottish FA will be allowed to continue to work independently.
A failure to follow these rules will see you branded as arrogant, selfish and unfair.
I'm sure you will find this to you satisfaction. After all, you seem to be happy with this state of affairs with our political system. So why not your football team?
