England supporters that were awaiting the arrival of the "Grand Slam Express" are advised that due to a points failure and subsequent derailment at Murrayfield, the 18:12 from Edinburgh has been cancelled.
Further bad news as the A1 South has been blocked by a large number of wheel-less chariots. Police advise that any owner of a vehicle unable to swing low should call the Scottish Emergency Services on 0900-GETITUPYEEZ, and await the arrival of someone coming forth to carry them home. Kind locals are believed to be keeping distressed England supporters supplied with large amounts amounts of humble pie, although sour grapes are available if necessary. -------------------------------------------------------
I know it aint football, but it's still funny as fcuk!!
